Skype session with my coach (Friday)
The skype catch-up with Paul Wallace (my trading coach) late on Friday forced me to drag myself through a pile of emotional and mental shit -basically to recount the up’s and down’s of the November month. That was rather tough and somewhat soul-destroying, even though i know that this is necessary. We didnt really discuss anything trading related. It was all about mind, physical well-being and emotions. And we talked about fears. I have noted down a lot of details of this conversations – I am not going to post them here. I am hoping that others might read my posts and be encouraged by someone dragging themselves through tough times, and eventually come out as a success at the other end. Though I would not advise anyone to go down the road of trying to make it in trading. Though you might want to use these blog posts as a way to motivate yourself in other adventures and projects.
Really deep stuff
Recall I had a good long chat with the colleagues at the trading office and they gave me some specific bits of advice that I can try to implement. That motivated me and helped me to keep going. The chat on Friday threw me back into the dungeons. I know the deep questions that my mentor was throwing at me and challenging me with, are really important for me to answer and to work through. But that doesn’t make it easier. It seems that the type of questions that concern my overall “happiness” are strongly intertwined with issues and questions that may be holding me back from making a breakthrough in trading. It’s easily justifiable for someone to have a look at the amount of time and effort that I have invested in trading and challenge me why I should not admit that I can’t do it. But there are many stories of people who have had to overcome big challenges before they hit success. Of course, you don’t hear about the multitudes who have continued going and who were overcome by their challenges – those who fell by the wayside. This is the principle of survivorship bias in action.
I am in the shit…. what am I going to do about it?
Anyways, I am in a pretty bad rut – trading wise, physically (I have not done sports for 6 weeks due to an injury and meanwhile have increased my calorie intake and tripled my alcohol consumption) and mentally (I am regularly depressed, angry and frustrated and feel anxiety and stress). I am having real difficulty trying to picture myself as a successful person at the moment (I know that is what I am meant to do). It’s difficult for me to do that because the reality is such a stark contrast. But I did realize something that I can manage. I can visualize and imagine how i would like to be in about 1 month’s time – that i can do. That i can manage. I can take 1 month at a time. I can draw a good picture of myself and I can work towards that. I can start doing sport – I can’t skate but I can go swimming. I can try to sleep a little more. I can eat less and healthier. I can drink less beer. I can do all those things. And I can do specific things on the trading front:
- I can stop putting on trades, because many of my current trades lead to a drop of self-confidence if they result in a loss. Additionally, live trades definitely reduce my productivity right now.
- With better productivity, I can focus on developing a simple strategy that I can (and will) test thoroughly and use the positive testing results to build faith and self-confidence. The strategy doesn’t need to be complicated or rocket-science. It can be really simple. (These are the main bits of advice that my colleagues in the trading office gave me). And my coach agrees spending December like this is a good idea.
- And i have got to be my best friend, not my own worst enemy. I have got to look after myself in terms of diet, health, sport, sleep and most importantly – the way that i think – what i allow myself to dwell on. Its very easy for me to beat myself up, to tell myself that i wont make it and to focus on all the negative stuff, to be a pessimist. Surely this really lowers the odds of me achieving anything, no?
- This will also be a great chance for me to practice visualization techniques, because i know exactly what i want myself to behave like during this month. I will do a mini-Arnold and a mini-Lance.
So what I am going to do is just focus on the month ahead – the mini-project finishes on 27th Dec, when my brother-in-law arrives in London for a week. Until then i will focus and work hard and will motivate myself and not allow myself to think negatively.
I think I gotta post this picture again because it really sums it up……