Well, I try to pride myself to being transparent and honest on this trading blog. I aim to share the good, the bad and the ugly.
Today was ugly.
Yesterday I took six trades, all of them losers. I still need to review those trades more carefully, though I am pretty certain they were valid setups, and I managed them as I had set out to manage them at the start of the week (recall documentation->review->refinements). The net loss on those six trades was 3.5R. This morning I followed up with two further losing trades, losing a 1.25R. That makes 8 consecutive losses netting 4.75R. That roughly equates to the profits made during the preceding two weeks.
On the 2nd trade hitting my stop I jumped out of my chair and kicked my desk drawers at full whack two to three times, dislodging one of the drawers. Then I threw the water bottle onto the ground, whilst swearing at full volume how much I hate trading.
One of my fellow trading colleagues was sitting at his desk at that time. He had no warning and was rather surprised. I put him in a awkward position. I then
collected myself and quickly turned off all applications, shut the machine down and got my coat to leave. It was not even 8:30am yet.
I stomped off down the road trying to figure out what happened. I know I sometimes lose my temper, but was surprised at the extent of what happened.
I spent the rest of the day running some errands and staring into space trying to make sense of what had happened. Why am I so angry? Why am I so thrown by bad trading results? Why am I taking this so seriously? Why am I putting so much pressure on myself? Surely this is not due purely to trading but to issues unfolding in my personal life?
One of the things I have written down for myself is that I need to be able to rely on myself. I need to be able to count on myself, to act in my best interest, always. If I cannot rely on myself, then I am pretty much doomed.
Today was a day in which I didn’t act in my best interest. A great example of a Trader Meltdown.
&*%#!& [No translation needed]